Tall Tales From A Short Canadian

Sawatdeecrup,

We are currently in Na Thon, the port town of Koh Samui in Southern Thailand. Our trip thus far has been nothing short of spectacularly relaxing. Our flight out of Korea was a nightmare, as we were positioned next to the two oldest, drunkest, and unruliest old hallibudgies (old Korean men) on the plane. The flight was six hours, during which we waited and waited, giving them as little attention as possible, for the old guys to tire of their folley and passout… which didn’t happen. On the contrary, they harrassed the attendants constantly for ice, drank from their own bottle of rum, and got progressively louder and drunker as we approached Bangkok. Near our arrival, they were singing old traditional lovesongs to eachother, barking at the poor abused attendants, and trying their best to amuse Nicole (who was now past the point of amusal). These guys were incredible! For those of you who know him, think Delbert on a real bender with one of his old drinking buddies… times 10. And because of their good Confucianist upbringings, none of the annoyed Koreans on the plane made so much as a “shhhh!”.

After spending an uncomfortable night on a bench in the airport and squeezing out two or three zees each, we flew into Koh Samui and then caught a ferry to Koh Pha Ngan. We had to take one more long-boat out to our beach, called Haad Tien, where we would do our cleanse. There were four of us on the boat. All of us, including the drivers (I thought) were shaken up by the end of the trip. The Thai longboats are pretty narrow, and we were catching big air in it, getting bashed around by huge swells. We nearly tipped several times, or so it seemed to me. It was the most terrifying boatride of my life! When we got off, we were in a totally different world, a “healthy lifestyle” resort called the sanctuary, all bamboo and thatched rooves built into the rocks. Having come from bustling down-to-business Busan, it took us several hours to adjust. This place reminded me of Nelson… times ten. Think patchouli, citronella, naked boobs, bare feet, and dreadlocks. But after our initial distaste of the place, we ended up getting sucked into the “groove” and having an amazing and mellow time. They played great music and everyone one was entirely laid back. The food was out of this world. We ate all raw food for two days, then fasted for three and a half days, and then worked our way up to normal fare over the following two days. As of last night, we are now back to Singha and shrimp, feeling good, and are ready to sample some more Thai specialties.

The fast itself was supervised, and included herbal support, veggie broth, fresh juice, and daily colonics and steam-room. For you skeptics out there, let me say from experience (without being too explicit) that colonics work. Stuff that has been riding around in you for way too long comes out. It ain’t pretty, but it feels good to get rid of it. Nicole lost about ten pounds, and I lost about six, and I assure you that it was all unnecessary weight. The people at the Wellness Center were incredible. We had a Christmas dinner of veggie broth with cayenne and lime with about twelve other fasters, and then watched Borat. It was cool. I highly recommend therapeutic fasting. We both feel lighter, and even our eyes changed colors a bit (a little-known effect of detoxing).

On our remote tropical beach, we just sunned and swam (the weather cleared after about two days), and layed in hammocks reading books. We met some of the local wildlife, too. A scorpion took to my jeans, and wouldn’t give them back for a day or so, I almost stepped on a green snake, and we found a spider the size of my hand in the closet on our last day. Oh, and the cockroaches are gigantic here, and a little friendlier than in Korea. Anyway, after getting back on solid food, we caught a boat back to Samui where we are now. We rented a bungalow on Haad Lamai for two nights, ate incredible Thai and vegetarian food–colonics give you a meat aversion, whether for short or long term, time will tell–drank a few beers, and watched a Thai boxing event. Tomorrow morning, we leave by bus and ferry for Bangkok, where we will hang for a couple days and check out the touristy sites, and maybe look for something weird and fun for New Years, before heading up to Chiang Mai in the North.

Take care, y’all. More words coming in a week or two, and photos to follow in a few weeks.

Popkunmai,

suteebun

ssupp?

It is Sunday afternoon, and quickly becoming evening. At this point in the week, I usually have that heavy, foreboding feeling in my belly, warning of Monday’s approach and another marathon week of teaching. Instead, I feel something altogether different… excitement, anxiety, and more excitement. My work-week will last one day, and then Nicole and I are off for our big trip to Thailand and Cambodia. We will leave on Tuesday night, spend one shitty night at the airport, and then take a connecting flight to Ko Pha Ngan for some serious R and R… 8 days worth, to be precise. Following that, we will probably head up to Bangkok to connect to Cambodia where we will see Angkor Wat, the Killing Fields, the capital, and a few other sights, leaving us with about 2 extra weeks to check out Northern Thailand and perhaps another island or two. I know, I know. We’re meant to be saving money for school, paying back loans, etc, but we have covered some tremendous ground in those respects during our year in Busan, and frankly, we deserve a bloody good  holiday. I really think that trips like this kind of come with the territory. Essentially, we live in exile from our own country out of necessity more than mere cultural interest, and so we will reap the rewards while we serve our time.

Recently, two or three entries ago in fact, I sort of bitched and moaned about the Koreans, their rudeness and superficiality, but let me say that I trust Korean people in general more than I do westerners, and Korean rudeness actually doesn’t come close to the behavior of some of the expats I’ve witnessed here. And here’s an example: Friday night Nic and I had a very rare night out on the town with some friends, and following a few beers at the nearby popular expat haunt, U2, we went to McDonald’s (another rare occasion) for some therapeutic greazies. First thing we saw as we approached was a guy we know pissing in a paper cup right at his table, in front of the cash register and in plain view from the windows. Then, when we stepped inside, we heard this huge commotion. Some drunk Brits were screaming obscenities at the two shaken girls behind the cash register. Nic and I stepped in right away and defended the staff, but there would have been a brawl had we not eventually walked away. “I’m talking to my bitch! My Bitch!” the one bloak kept saying, buzzing around me like a wasp. There were four of them. I figured Nic could take one or two of them, I could maybe take one if I got a lucky punch in, but there’d still be one more who could run around and knife us in the back or something, so, our words failing to diffuse the situation, we wisely abandoned our hamburger-eating endeavor for the night.

There really is no excuse for this kind of behavior. What they were doing in Korea at all, I have no idea. I have witnessed expats abusing the natives before, and it sickens me. It’s like these people, many of whom are Canadians from my experience, come here and think they own the bloody world. Some of them assume that the Koreans can’t understand English, so why not be as rude as possible? “Hurry up, you old c–t!” I heard once in Seoul as some mouthy Canuck waited for a little old Korean lady to cook him a fried egg sandwich in a back alley at 5 in the morning. The Koreans, while not without their faults, don’t deserve this kind of abuse. No one does, of course. Seeing it makes me have dreams of learning Aikido so I can fight for justice and break arms.

Ah, but back to better things. I haven’t been taking many photos lately, but have recently learned of a new technique called HDR (high dynamic range) which involves taking 3 or more shots of the same scene, and then using a computer program like Photoshop to fuse them together, allowing for a far greater range of highs, lows and colors than a normal photograph allows for. I decided to try it out today, and so the following three are my first attempts. After playing with the images a bit, I found that you can keep them really simple, but just have a bit punchier, livelier photo, or you can tweak them to your heart’s content. With the following, I may be leaning a bit into the over-tweaked side of things (well.. not compared to some that I’ve seen), but am pleased with the results all the same. I will leave you with these, and both Nicole and I send our family and friends back home a sincere and heartfelt HELLO, we miss you, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and hugs all around.

Expect the odd update from Thailand…

love,

suteebun and nico

PS check out my new, slowly expanding “best of” photo compilation at http://www.flickr.com/photos/stevenhorr .

Greetings readers,

I apologize for my previous somewhat negative post. I assure you that my time here in Korea has been fantastic, and I try to keep my unflattering observations mostly to myself. Or maybe not. But anyway, don’t get the wrong idea. We love Korea and Koreans. We are not racists! A thorough look through my archives will demonstrate that my reflections on Korea have been by-and-large positive ones.

That said, check this shit out (and I mean shit)!

The good ole dong symbol. It’s everywhere here. Kids scrawl it on the whiteboard when Teecha Suteebun turns his back. Rebellious teens spray-paint it on walls and posts. I’ve seen big iconic dongs used in advertisements. I located this little guy while I was at the subway station looking for a bathroom.

He and his helpful squad of dong showed up in the nick of time, and guided me to where I needed to be!

As many of you know, we will be leaving for Thailand in one week. This maybe the last post for quite sometime. I will try to blog while we travel, but photo uploads will be unlikely. Anyway, we miss you all!

Later,

suteebun

Cheerio!

When exactly is it photo (poto to the natives) time around here? All of the time is POTO TIME! I’m in for a little derogatory Korean-bashing–I know I am. It’s been building up for months. I really do try to balance the negatives with the positives, but alas, as winter approaches and the beach days, short skirts, and colorful leaves disappear, Korea becomes dismal and dreary, and I begin to notice the blemishes more. What I am talking about most specifically is a kind of cultural vanity I can barely stomach. And if I am being culturally insensitive: I am sorry! I love the Korean people and am fond of many Koreans personally. The following are true stories, however, that I just need to get off my chest.

VANITY 

As I have mentioned in previous posts, the Koreans are a well-dressed lot, although they haven’t quite developed much individuality yet, especially in Busan. For now, south of the capital, there is a kind of uniformity to the fashion: tall boots, high heels, fake fur, toques (year-round–that’s ‘beanies’ for the kiwis), pink shirts, David Bowie haircuts for boys, etc. All-in-all, these people look sharp. They know it. They flaunt it. They take photos of themselves non-fucking-stop! Sometimes it is pretty natural. Some friends visiting Haeundae beach take a few tourist shots in front of the ocean. Whatever. Sometimes, however, it is blatant vanity. I have watched several girls taking pictures of themselves over and over and over again, tirelessly, for up to an hour at a time. They’ll pose, shoot, examine the results, reposition slightly, and shoot again. A visit to Starbuck’s scarcely resembles a visit to a Canadian franchise. Everyone here is dressed for poto-time. Couples sit, scarcely talking, and take pictures of each other, look at the results, and giggle. The other night Nicole and I were at a little Vietnamese restaurant having some pho (not at our favorite, comically-named joint: Pho Kim… pho kim anyways!). A Korean couple came in, sat down, and ordered. They were both dressed like movie stars, the girl wearing some kind of mink scarf and dark, round sunglasses (at night). They barely spoke to each other. They seemed each to be merely a flattering accessory to the other. The snobbish, petulant woman, with not a trace of a smile, took close-up pictures of herself the entire time we were there. What a vain freak!

Not only is it poto-time here 24/7, but it is always mirror time, too. It seems that mirrors are positioned everywhere, and they reflect a good many Korean faces steadily. The Koreans love to look at themselves, it seems. I have ridden the subway and watched young men and women stare into their own reflections for their entire 1/2 hour trip, gently tugging their hair this way and that. I think that ALL Korean Women have little pocket mirrors. It is not uncommon to walk into Starbucks and see a table of four young women all doing their make-up over coffee, or their eyelashes, or just staring at themselves vacantly in some reflection or photograph. What is going on here? It’s weird. It is funny to watch sometimes, and rarely sickens me like the instant with the girl at the pho shop did. It’s fun to watch them walk down the street and look at themselves in the reflection of every car window that they pass. It’s funny to see them obsess about every little hair, or see them pulling their gangster toques straight in July, or picking at their gums after a snack until their smile is again picture-perfect. Koreans spend an above-average amount of income percentage on beautification, according to Korean news.

RUDENESS

The rudeness in this country can be astounding. I am still amazed by it sometimes. It is true that, paradoxically, Korean’s can be incredibly helpful and extremely friendly, but their capacity for outright rudeness is where they really shine. Generally, when back in Canada, and now here in Korea, I will hold the elevator door open for someone if I hear the faintest of footsteps approaching. Thrice in recent times have I been rejected from elevators. Once, the man in the elevator kept pressing the door-close button even as I entered, effectively smashing me twice between the steel doors. Failing to kill me or turn me away, he swore and left the elevator, refusing to ride with a foreigner. Just this week, I was a second delayed in jumping in the elevator, and some crusty old ajuma sandwiched me with the doors with no remorse whatsoever. She even had a trace of a sardonic smile, methinks. Another time, I ran, hearing the door closing, yelling for the elevator passengers to wait for me. Relieved, I smiled at the cold, expressionless face of a woman staring back at me until it disappeared between the doors! Bitch!

I cannot even count the times that people have tried to bud ahead of me in line here. It happens nearly everytime. Sometimes it is so brazen, it is enfuriating. You can be standing at the front of the line in Starbucks, eyes on the menu and money poised in hand, and have someone wave their cash in front of you and essentially barge right in… and this when there is no one else at all waiting in line behind you! I have been pushed, jostled and weaseled out of line by men, women, elders, and even kids. I was recently told by a fellow waygoogin (expat) a story about him being in line at the cash register of a grocery store and having a little old lady just kind of toss her goods in front of him so she could get in front. Around here, you snooze, even for a heartbeat, and you do lose. Occasionally, I play the same game, but generally, I prefer to exercise the considerate gentlemanliness I was taught growing up. Do these examples amuse or surprise you? I am really just scratching the surface.

POOR TABLE ETIQUETTE

Slurping, burping, spitting… sometimes paying attention to the diners around you in a Korean restaurant can quickly destroy your own eating experience. Unlike we from the west, Koreans don’t seem to mix food with dialogue, and go to eating with the same one-pointed determination and efficiency with which they approach most tasks, it seems. It can often be a noisy and messy enterprise. If they do converse while eating, they don’t bother waiting to speak between mouthfuls of food! The men sometimes snort and gob into a cup or bowl in between mouthfuls of food. I have started to notice that many young people snap their mouths wide open and closed while chewing, making the most of their bestial eating sounds. It is an awful thing to witness, sometimes.

Kay, I’m finished. I really try to show some o’ da good, and some o’ da bad. I mean, it’s all culturally relative any way, isn’t it? And I am painting them all with the same brush. However, when it comes to common courtesy, I kind of believe there are universals. Or should be. I know that for the most part, these Koreans, and Busanites in particular, are just doing what they do and knowing what they know. I see things from a different perspective, naturally, and am just not great at keeping things to myself. Also, as my year-long contract grinds to an end (2 weeks to go!!!), my patience wears thinner than panty hose.

Ciao fer now,

suteebun